When you think about what truly moves the needle in someone’s financial life, it’s rarely the fancy investment or the latest market trend.
In reality, it comes down to three key decisions you’ll make throughout your life. And they quietly shape your financial future.
- What you do for a living and how much of that income you can actually hang on to
- Who you build your life with
- How much you spend on your home
Over my years as an adviser, I’ve seen these three factors play out again and again, and they’re huge contributing factors in gaining financial traction.
But the biggy I’m going to focus on now is the second one – who you build your life with. Because it’s the one that can quietly destroy everything you’re working towards.
Just like white ants.
Those pesky termites that quietly eat away at the foundation of your house while everything looks perfectly fine on the surface. You don’t notice the damage until one day, boom, the whole structure’s compromised.
That’s exactly what happens when couples aren’t aligned on money.
The Spender and Saver Trap
Here’s how it usually plays out.
Two savers together. That’s the dream. You’re both pulling in the same direction, making smart choices, building something solid.
Two spenders together. Not ideal, but at least you’re aligned. You both know what you’re getting into, and you’re making those choices together.
But a spender and a saver. That’s where the white anting begins.
One person is dedicating their life to building something. The other is unknowingly dismantling it, brick by brick, purchase by purchase. Neither person’s the villain here; they’re just not on the same page. And that misalignment is catastrophic over time.
Think of money in a relationship like a steering wheel. Both people need to have a hand on it, or you’ll end up in a ditch.
Keith and Nicole’s Story
Let me tell you about a couple I met in my early years of advising. We’ll call them Keith and Nicole.
Keith was pulling in good money at his job. He was deeply into the finances, always thinking about the future. Nicole. Money just wasn’t her world. Her eyes would glaze over whenever finances came up.
Keith adored her. Spent most of his working life trying to keep her happy. And Nicole has expensive taste.
Credit cards maxed out for shopping sprees. Constant home renovations, even after the kids had flown the coop, and they didn’t need such a big place anymore. New cars. Holidays. The latest everything.
Every time I’d sit down with Keith, I’d gently say, “Mate, this is going to catch up with you.”
He’d shrug it off: “I’ll just work a bit longer. Super and the government will bail me out.”
But the truth was, Nicole was quietly white anting Keith’s financial future. The spending, the lack of alignment, the pressure to keep up appearances, it all ate away at the foundation they should have been building together.
The Real Cost of Misalignment
Here’s what happened to Keith and Nicole.
When retirement should have arrived, you know, right when their mates were galavanting around the world while they were still fit and healthy, Keith and Nicole weren’t in a position to do it.
Keith had to keep working. Years longer than planned.
And when they finally got there. It wasn’t relaxing. It wasn’t comfortable. It wasn’t the retirement they’d imagined.
They’re now spending their golden years counting every dollar.
The real cost of that misalignment wasn’t just money lost. It was freedom lost. Time lost. The retirement they’d dreamed about, lost.
That’s what white anting does. It doesn’t happen overnight. It happens slowly, quietly, over decades. And by the time you notice the damage, you’ve lost years you can’t get back.
It’s Not Just About Retirement
Now, if you’re in your 30s or 40s reading this thinking retirement is ages away, this still matters to you. Maybe even more.
Because financial misalignment doesn’t just rob you of your future, it robs you of choices right now.
Want to cut back work hours to spend more time with the kids. Can’t do it if you’re drowning in debt from lifestyle spending.
Thinking about starting that business you’ve been dreaming about. Pretty hard when every dollar’s already spoken for.
Want to take that overseas trip without the guilt. That only happens when you’re both confident that you’re making smart financial decisions.
Financial alignment isn’t about one person being the “fun police” while the other tries to enjoy life. It’s about both of you understanding what you’re building towards and making decisions together that get you there.
It’s about finding that sweet spot where you can enjoy your money now, guilt-free, while still making smart moves for your future.
Getting Back on Track
So what do you do if you’re reading this and realising you and your partner aren’t quite aligned.
First, have the conversation. Not the finger-pointing, “you’re spending too much” conversation. The real one. The “what do we actually want our life to look like” conversation.
- What does retirement look like for you both?
- What does “enough” mean?
- What are you willing to sacrifice now, and what aren’t you?
Second, get some outside perspective. Sometimes you need someone who’s not emotionally invested to help you see the white ants before they’ve eaten through the whole foundation.
That’s where we come in.
At Apex Advice, we help couples get on the same page financially. We help you see where you are, where you want to be, and how to get there without one person feeling like they’re sacrificing everything while the other lives it up.
Because when you’re aligned, when you both have your hands on that steering wheel, you can actually enjoy the drive.
Ready to get on the same page with your partner about money. Book a 15 minute chat here.
Stay Beautiful!
John Manserra
Certified Financial Planner®, Director
Apex Advice – Geelong Financial Advisers and mortgage brokers for professionals and tradies who want to make work a choice before you’re 67. Book a 15 minute chat here.
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Important:
This is not tax advice. The information contained in this update has been provided as general advice only. The contents have been prepared without taking account of your personal objectives, financial situation or needs.
You should seek advice before making any decision regarding any information, strategies or products mentioned to consider whether that is appropriate to your own objectives, financial situation and needs.
Current at 26 August 2025